Bed Sharing

One of the most difficult aspects of parenthood for me to discuss with others is our methods on everything from feeding to sleeping. I get super self-conscious about what other people will think about our choices. I often have to remind myself that what works best for us will not work for others and that is 100% OK! So, before you keep reading please understand that these are strictly our own experiences and are not recommendations to others by any means. I believe that each family should do what works best for them because every baby is so different. With that being said, I've done a TON of research in order to feel 100% comfortable with our decisions and love sharing what I've learned. It's easier to be patient and compliant to baby's needs if you understand why they behave the way they do. It's also important to know what will and will not have an impact on the way your little one's behaves later on in life despite what well meaning family members or friends tell you over and over and over again. This post is all about how we sleep in the Dufrene household these days.

sound asleep next to mama.

There are so many little things that you really don't truly and fully think about before baby arrives. Sleeping arrangements was one of those things for me. I thought about it, but always imagined that it would be a breeze to put Eleanor down in her crib for naps and at bedtime. Never EVER did I consider the reality of a baby's sleep patterns and more specifically Eleanor's needs when it came to sleeping soundly. 

"hey ma, what's this thing for?"

When Eleanor was born I knew that I wanted to always keep her close, so we knew she'd room-in throughout our stay in the hospital and that we'd have a bassinet for our room at home. However, I was also so stupid giddy about making her nursery feel complete and magical that we also invested in some really great furniture and bedding. Mistake #1 right there. If I could do it again, I'd definitely wait to get nursery furniture after baby makes their arrival.To this day, Eleanor has probably slept a combined total of 12-24 hours in her crib, maybe! Occasional naps are rare but do happen. But alas, lots of money right out the window. It's a good thing her crib converts into a toddler bed because I don't see her sleeping on her own until toddlerhood or beyond. Which is fine with me, because that time will come way sooner than I can even imagine I'm sure.

For the first 3-4 weeks of her life, Eleanor was nursing every 2-3 hours around the clock and would nurse for anywhere from 30 minutes to 1.5 hours from the time she started. This left very little time for her to be awake but also very little time for her to sleep before she was hungry again. So our days and nights both consisted of short periods of sleep for both she and I. Sometimes she'd stay in her bassinet for around 30 minutes but more often than not only slept longer than that if she was in my arms. 

At first, I felt like something wasn't right and that I was doing it all wrong. But in that same breath it felt so natural for me to hold my sweet babe when she'd doze off. I'd try to put her down and she'd almost immediately wake up crying only to fall right back to sleep as soon as she was in my arms. People so often would tell me that I was spoiling her by holding her or picking her up right away and that she needed to learn to self sooth and sleep on her own. Well, after lots and lots of research I learned that that's simply just not true. Babies, after all, are entering into a brand new world and the only comfort they've known is the warm and secure womb of their mothers. So to be thrown into the noise, the lights, the people, and everything else that surrounds us everyday, it's only natural for many (not all) babies to want to be held and feel secure in the next best thing to what they've known for the first few weeks, months, and even years of their life: Mommy's arms. It makes sense right? So, little by little we would let Eleanor sleep on her own but when we knew she needed a really good nap it would be in someone's arms. And at night, she slept in bed with us. Every night, all night. And it has been amazing. 

I've never been a morning person, and I've always enjoyed my sleep. So, when I realized that Eleanor was quite the opposite I knew that co-sleeping and bed sharing would be the only way I'd be able to function on a daily basis. Waking up multiple times a night to Eleanor crying to be nursed, then nursing half asleep, then trying to get her back down just seemed like too much work for this lazy mama. With her in bed all night, I'd simply let her latch on to nurse and I'd promptly fall back to sleep with Eleanor not too far behind to join me in dream land once again as soon as she got her fill of nighttime milk. By the way, the composition of breast milk changes at night with an increased amount of DHA, tryptophan, and other essential nurtrients leading to brain growth and development. Knowing that also helps me to not become frustrated with night wakings. If it's good for my girl, it's fine with me!

 

 Jesse, being the overly concerned guy he is, worried that either a) Eleanor would never learn to sleep on her own or b) he would roll over her during the night.  So, I did my research on both concerns and assured him that it would be ok. I also told myself that by 6 months we would work on transitioning her to her crib. That quickly turned to 9 months, and now it's sort of just became an arrangement that we'll stick to indefinitely. I quickly learned that despite popular belief co-sleeping and even bed sharing have both been linked to greater independence as a child grows and that, if done safely, both co-sleeping and bed sharing can potentially reduce the probability of SIDS.

happy baby every single morning.

Basically, studies show that by responding to your baby throughout the night (as well as anytime they cry or seek your attention) you are creating a feeling of trust. That feeling of trust and security and the increased comfort and physical affection that comes with keeping your little one close can actually lead to greater independence. I tend to try to find the logic in things, and this personally makes a bit more sense then encouraging a newborn, infant, or toddler to learn to sooth themselves. I feel that soothing Eleanor is my responsibility, as a her mother, after all. That's not to say that I haven't been tempted by sleep training, (Trust me, I HAVE!) but something in my gut always stops me from even attempting. I know that she won't sleep with us forever and, even if other people disagree, I plan to enjoy the snuggles as long as I can. Besides, I really get so much rest because of the way we sleep. If in 10 years she hasn't stopped nursing throughout the night then we'll know I was so very wrong.   ;  )

When it came to the question of safety, I was always sure to follow a few guidelines. No heavy blankets or pillows. No bed sharing if Jesse or I have had any alcoholic drinks or are extremely tired. Like, out of the norm tired where we would sleep so deeply to the point of unsafe. Finally, the only person who bed shares with Eleanor is me. No one wakes up quite like me to Eleanor's movements. Besides all of that, there's this (I've found similar information from various sources but this was the most concise) :

"Co-sleeping helps your baby rouse himself: New research has shown that in most cases, SIDS is caused by a baby's inability to arouse himself from sleep. Normally, when something occurs that threatens your baby's well being, such as difficulty breathing, he will automatically wake up. For reasons that are still unknown, in some babies, this protective mechanism does not go off, and so these babies are more at risk for SIDS.

This is where the positive aspects of co-sleeping come in. Dr. James McKenna, director of the Mother-Baby Sleep Laboratory and Professor of Anthropology at the University of Notre Dame, has conducted numerous studies of mothers and babies who were co-sleeping and night nursing. His group of researchers found that mom and baby share similar patterns of sleep arousals, what we call "nighttime harmony." They drifted in and out of sleep stages in a similar, but not always identical, pattern. Some SIDS researchers believe that this is a factor in baby's protective arousal mechanism. This harmony may also be related to a psychological synchronicity between co-sleeping mothers and their babies: The co-sleeping mom is more likely to subconsciously sense if her baby's health is in danger and wake up.

Researchers also believe that the carbon dioxide you exhale when you sleep close to your baby may help stimulate her breathing. Plus, co-sleeping infants tend to automatically sleep on their back, in order to have easier access to nighttime feedings. Back sleeping has proved to be one of the top risk-reducers for SIDS. Meanwhile, babies who sleep separately from their moms have been shown to experience a decrease in the amount of REM sleep, the state of sleep in which protective arousal is the most likely to occur."

Again, I'm no expert on babies BY ANY MEANS but I'm just really proud that I've trusted myself to do what works really well for us in terms of sleeping when there is so much information pushing the contrary.To this day, I honestly have never had one of those "OMG, my baby didn't sleep at all last night" type of night. Well, except for like the first two weeks. But that doesn't count! 

good morning, sunshine!

I'm the first to admit that I may very well change my tune once baby #2 comes around. But for those of you who struggle with allowing yourself to co-sleep or bed share because of what others tell you or how "dangerous" it is, know that there are those of us out there who are all for it! Your only responsibility is to live fearlessly, to mother your babe fiercely, and trust your mama instinct no matter what.

I'd love to hear what some of you have to say about how sleeping has changed in your life now that you're a parent! 

all my love,

ellie

Welcome to Motherhood

The only thing better than a good night's sleep is waking up to a smiling baby after a night of no sleep. 

Sweet morning smiles at 7 weeks

After only 10 months I've learned that motherhood is about sacrifices i.e. very little sleep, about patience, about vulnerability, and about strength that you never knew you could ever possess. I've learned more about myself in the past 10 months than I ever thought possible. Not only as a mother, but as a daughter, friend, and wife.

Our Eleanor Elizabeth was born on December 25, 2014 at 5:22pm weighing 8lbs. 6 oz. and since then she has taught me what life is all about. I planned and organized and set expectations of what life would be like with our babe earth side, despite the countless remarks about how routine goes right out the window once you have a baby, only to realize that everyone was right. No book, no website, no solicited advice could have ever prepared me for what was to come. And while my type A personality yearned for some answers and explanations to why Eleanor didn't sleep more than 45 minutes or why she cried in my arms and no one else's, I know now that sometimes you need to stop looking for answers and trust that the universe will give you the strength to go with your gut and trust your mama instincts.

After 39 hours of labor, this mama couldn't have been happier to be holding her baby girl.

Today I find myself giving tons of unsolicited advice to new mommies about breast feeding, starting solids, bathtime routines, sleeping patterns, etc. all while remembering to end my rants with the ever so popular, "But do what works best for you and your family." There are enough mommy wars these days and judgements flying from every direction that the last thing I want to do is to contribute to the hardship of being a first time mom. However, I don't remember ever being quite so passionate about anything than I am about being a mom, so if you're a new mom and I'm anywhere near you beware of the advice vomit that I'm bound to spew. But trust that I would never be insulted by someone asking me to kindly shut the hell up. 

I can't believe how little she was.

In the coming weeks, I want to share with my readers (reader maybe? hah) some of what I've learned, some of the hardest things we've gone through, and some of the most incredible things that come with becoming a first time parent. I also just want to have a space of my own to come and remind myself of what it was like. A place that I can come and take a look of what we accomplished as a family, and to remind myself just how grand life is!

Nothing sweeter than a napping babe.

A couple, two pups, and a baby on the way

25 days ago I found out I was going to be a mom. Today, Jesse and I will go to the doctor for the first ultrasound. 


Motherhood is something that half the population of the world experiences, yet I can't help but to feel in complete awe, bewilderment, astonishment, happiness beyond boundaries that I'm on the path to experiencing it myself. Right now, I'm nervous, so so nervous. I want to hear that heartbeat so that it can all be confirmed. I'm healthy and have been so incredibly fortunate so far in my life and can't imagine everything not being ok, but still I won't be able to shake the fear until I know that everything's still right on track. 

Being a mother was something I looked up to and admired, but never thought I would want to experience. I always figured that I'd leave that to the ladies that couldn't dream of anything else. Me, well I was content knowing that I could have a career and live a solitary life. 

That all changed when Jesse's love and compassion shook me right to my core. With him I want a marriage, a family, a life of partnership and parenthood. We were engaged last June and talked about having kids as soon as we were married, but I think secretly we knew our impatience could possibly intervene. And that it did. While we weren't actively trying, we found ourselves on a Friday night contemplating whether it could really be possible. Two positive pregnancy tests later, and there we were in complete disbelief. Shock came first, and then joy that could not be measured. 

But, I'd be lying if I said we weren't worried. Still, the fear and worry overwhelms us. Not because we don't feel capable, but because our lives are better than we could ever imagine to the point that it scares us. Could life really be this incredible and giving? Could we really be this fortunate? I need to give more, I need to do more, I need to be more to deserve all the gifts that the universe has laid out for me. Yet, how selfish of me to let self doubt trump the immense joy that I'm feeling. We haven't told anyone but our parents yet, and maybe having to hold in the news is also causing me to hold in my joy. 

Trust that Jesse and I are happy, so insanely happy; so happy that we have names picked, so happy that together we dream of the parents we want to be and of the life we want to provide for our child, so happy that I look in the mirror and cry tears of joy because I know that inside of me a light of love and passion is growing. Still, our nerves and stress and fear are eating us up and they will until 2:10pm today when the sound of our baby's beautiful heartbeat can put all the fears to rest. 

This post was originally written on Tuesday, May 27. Today we're overjoyed, everything's smooth sailing, and we're ready to share the great news!

Ditching the Take-Out

My first 10K! 

I've always been the type of person who thoroughly enjoys exercise. Truly, I do. Getting started, well that's always a bit of a mountain to climb but once I get going, I'm telling you I just love it! Now, I'll be the first to admit that I have my bouts of week long laziness(ahem, maybe more than 1 week), but eventually I always get back into some sort of routine. For the past couple of months, dance class two to three times a week suited my need for physical activity. But now that our recital has come and gone, I am beyond excited to be able to get in some mindless but regimented workouts. By mindless, I mean to say that there is no choreography involved. Y'all, dance is one of my biggest passions and a part of me that I hold so dearly in my heart, but ya girl was struggling to keep up this year with all the incredible choreography that my fellow dancers brilliantly came up with. So, I'm relieved that my mind can take it easy, and I can once again challenge my body to gain strength and endurance at my own pace.

Natarajasana at Glacier Point in Yosemite.

Jesse and I vowed to stay committed to exercising regularly and eating healthier. This time we're not giving up! (we're not the only ones who give up after just three weeks right??) And like I said, the exercise segment of this program will be a snap, but eating healthy.. man oh man, I'll be searching for every ounce of willpower inside of me. Oddly enough, Jesse is quite the opposite which means that we'll be able to really push each other to keep going. Every legit article you read mentions eating 5-6 meals a day including 2-3 snacks along with breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And I've got to say, it's a sound method to kick your metabolism into high gear. It seems like after the age of 25, you really have to have a complete and well-rounded food AND exercise plan if you want to maintain a healthy lifestyle. And that's really what our goal is.

I've always been the girl that was never fat but never ever thin. I've got child bearing hips and thighs that could rival tree stumps. Luckily, my mom raised me to always wear my pants above my hips, suck in my belly always, and wear clothes that fit me properly. That's something that I am so grateful for because despite my size and weight, people have always told me that I hold my weight well. That's always been really hard for me to accept though because even if I don't look gigantic it's a real bummer to skip certain aisles or racks in some of my favorite clothing stores and boutiques. (Umm boutiques, why does your large feel like an extra small?) But alas, these days I choose to focus on living a healthier lifestyle instead of losing weight just to fit into a pretty dress. With health as my main focus, a smaller dress or pants size will just be an added bonus. 

Our meals will look a lot more like this nowadays.

Admittedly, the past four years have not been my healthiest. I gained, what I like to call, happy weight. Jesse and I have enjoyed gatherings with our family and friends never forgetting to include libations and delicious sustenance. But starting now, we're hoping to be more balanced. We want to be examples of health and happiness to our children one day and I'm not sure that six packs (of beer) and take out twice (OK thrice) a week is going to get us there. So, here's to a healthier lifestyle. Wish us luck!

from my heart to yours,
Ellie




P.S. Tomorrow I'll post some of my favorite exercise routines (mostly running and yoga) and healthy recipes!

under construction ..

Normally, I'm not the type of girl to jump into something without making sure I've got all my little duckies in a row. Except for this one time when I decided I wanted to become a blogger. Am I in over my head? In other words, am I lost? The answer.. a resounding YEP!

I've been doing my fair share of research and, believe it or not, I'm so glad I took the leap and just did it. So far, my little corner here on the line (The Internship reference; gah, I love that movie!) hasn't gotten much love other than from my sweet sister-in-law. (Love you Jen!) BUT, I'm driven, now more than ever, to make this little vision of mine come alive. So, wish me luck! .. And be sure to keep checking in as the design and content will get a tad bit more interesting. 

For now, a sneak peek at our super fun engagement sessions.. Photo by the super talented South Louisiana photographer Mark Eric and his incredible team at Sweet Lovely Weddings! 

From my heart to yours,

Ellie :  )

Letting Go of a Legacy

The ladies in my life have always worked. My grandmother first came to the United States from Tampico, Mexico with five children in tow and loaded with an arsenal of work ethic and determination. She and my grandfather worked tirelessly to make a name for themselves. Today they are the proud owners of the first mexican restaurant to stake claim in the Houma/Thibodaux bayou region. As a small girl, I remember watching my mom get dressed for work and waiting for her to get home in the evenings. She worked hard to provide a happy home for my brother and me, and supplied us with an example of what it was to truly earn a living. Growing up, I would imagine myself getting all dressed up in Banana Republic and J.Crew suiting separates with a coffee in hand ready to take on the day. I knew that I wanted to work like my mom and grandmother had. I knew that I wanted to be a woman in the business world. Still today, I have visions of the things I want to do with my career. I must continue to remind myself that all good things come in due time.

I didn't always know what I wanted to do. And having a family business right at your finger tips is exciting and daunting all at the same time. I can remember in high school, people would tell me how great it must be to know that I had a job just waiting for me. My reply : "Oh no way, I never want to work in the restaurants. Work and family don't mix." Instead, I wanted to be an architect, a civil engineer, interior designer, anything.. whatever would keep me away from the restaurants. I vowed that no matter what I would never let anything come between my family and me, and I was just certain that at some point working with them would lead to conflict, disagreements, ill feelings. That was something I did not want to ever experience.

You know, you hear of families being torn apart because they had disagreements over rights or money. Part of me was always scared that I would be a testament to those stories at some point, and that's just not something I could have on my conscience. But then another part of me thought that I needed more of a challenge. That working for the family was too easy. (You should know,  I'm that girl that takes the longest distance from point A to point B because it usually turns out to be the most rewarding path.)

Well, I broke that vow to myself to never work in the restaurants because after submitting my resume and applications to countless OTHER restaurants, as well as retail stores, coffee shops, etc., I was left with very little options and a car note that wasn't going to pay itself. I succumbed to the pressures, I started working at La Casa Del Sol. I was a hostess, cashier, busser, expeditor, server, and eventually worked my way up to management. It worked out quite well, actually. I was able to work as a manager and use my first few months as a management internship that counted as college credits. As always, I worked with an open heart and gave it all I had. By the time I was in my senior year of business school, I was applying everything that I was learning to my job. And here is where my fear became realized. I was doing a good job, I was organizing promotional events on my own, I was reducing our liquor costs, I was doing everything I thought needed to be done. I've learned, however, that sometimes when you do well at your work, you sometimes are faced with envy or disdain. And from your own family, envy and disdain can be hurtful. All I needed was a small taste of it to know that I wasn't up for the repercussions that could follow. At least, not then.

And so, just like that, another opportunity presented itself and I took it. In the two years that followed, I worked on getting my MBA and worked my way up the ladder at my new job. After only a year I was asked to take the position of Training and Warranty Development Administrator for a heavy truck dealership with five different locations throughout Louisiana. During that time, I made every effort to hone in and improve upon the skills I was acquiring in grad school. I was applying everything I was learning in my management, finance, and strategy classes to my daily tasks, and I was making a good impression on those around me. The sense of accomplishment was rewarding, but my lack of passion for the industry was palpable. I wanted to be in the industry that I knew so well. I yearned for a place in the restaurant industry. It's what I love, truly. And it's what I'm good at.

Today, I'm back at La Casa Del Sol! After a little soul searching and planning for my future, I decided to take the leap and ask for a job. I was welcomed back with open arms and the joy that it brought to my heart catapulted me into my work. It's funny how the universe has a way of laying out life it the most wonderful way. In the past  I was afraid to approach questionable issues head on when it had to do with my family. Mostly because I never want to make people upset with me. Today, I realize that sometimes you have to bite the bullet and hope for the best AS LONG AS your intentions are pure and honest.

During that soul searching, I made it a point to consider my future, my cousins' futures, my brothers' and sister's futures, without the restaurants. Well, really, we'd get along just fine. But I thought back to my grandparents and everything they sacrificed to get where they are and it made me angry to think that I could just let it all go. My siblings, cousins and I, we're the next generation. We're so capable, and it would be a shame not to work together to keep this legacy going. That's what brought me back. The hope for a sustainable future and the carrying on of a legacy, that's what brought me back. Hope that, despite the envy and disdain, despite the confrontations, my family and I can get along to move forward and lead the industry in our area and to be an example of what a family can accomplish.

I see so many great things on the horizon. Those visions I have about my career seem to be unfolding quite beautifully, and all is right in the world.

from my heart to yours,

Ellie

//

P.S. Currently, La Casa Del Sol is working on developing a new drink menu. My cousin, Sophia, and her team have been working diligently on this project and cannot wait to get it rolling and out to our customers. If you're in the area, be on the lookout! If you don't live around here but plan on making a trip to the area, please join us!

"One day she stopped letting fear hold her back and chose to live bravely. From then on she flew."

When your life ends up just where you imagined it always would, you begin to question which decision it was that got you there. Because obviously, you want to make sure you keep making decisions like that one ALL THE TIME. Then, it hits you, it's not about one decision, it's not about just one choice, it's about the series of choices you've made your whole life. Turns out, amongst a plethora of very unwise decisions, I must've made a few goods ones, and the combinations worked out just great.

my jesse and me

This year, I'll be 27, living with a wonderful man in my childhood home, mother of two silly pups, and a bride-to-be. I'm so happy it scares me, but then I let go of that fear and realize that life is too short to worry about what could happen. Instead, I choose to live fully and enjoy every glass of wine, every episode of Breaking Bad, every family get together, every new pair of shoes, every cheese plate, taco, and bowl of gumbo. I'll enjoy quiet nights at home, busy days at work, stressful days of wedding planning. I will enjoy and cherish all of it, and I'll share most of this with you.

Ellie : ]